FREEDOM From Narcissistic Abuse
By Will Perry
Being Self-Aware
And how the Big 5 personality tool can help you see the invisible gap
The Shadow Side
Seeing our positive traits and acknowledging our more negative traits takes a concerted effort and it’s understandable that some of our traits dominate our thoughts. Sometimes we think we are worse than we are, while other times we might inflate aspects of ourselves that we could be more honest about - but why do we do that?
Sometimes it comes from FEAR - fear of the implied, confirming a deep belief we have about ourselves that we are somehow not good enough, worthy or that we are somehow missing a vital element that would otherwise make us whole.
Much has been written about the shadow side (Freud & Jung) and how we often fear these unknown aspects of ourselves, yet this is precisely where some of our greatest resources hide - ready to be discovered, if only we are bold enough to explore.
And I believe the Jordan Peterson personality profiling tool (Understand Myself) can help us see our traits in a balanced way, encouraging us, with the right support, to explore our shadow sides with the knowledge that we will grow and benefit from discovering what lies in our shadow sides.
Out with MBTI
I was trained in the Myres Briggs Type Indicator when I was working at the BBC in Learning & Development and I was a believer. I liked how I could help people trace back to their childhood how their preferences developed in their play and how that helped them confirm their natural preference - even if they now reported as something different, perhaps because of necessity through environment or work.
Yet I never really used it too much in my private coaching work. I found it useful to help them understand their preferences yet I did this on an informal basis, without the need to go through the lengthy questionnaire and marking process (this is going back to before it was all on-line) so it was more of a background tool for me.
Yet when I explored Jordan Peterson’s work on the Big 5 personality types and traits I found it refreshing, interesting, far more robust and balanced than the MBTI tool. And the deeper I dived the more interesting I found it - to the extent that I trained in the tool, because the language in the report left me a little confused and it took me awhile to decipher. I was certain this could help my clients but also that I would need to help my clients make sense of it too, before they could fully integrate the learning into daily actions.
And helping people make sense of this sort of stuff is one of my super-powers - I love it.
Understanding Myself
The terminology used in this Big 5 profiling tool does, in my experience, benefit from a little deciphering and because I’ve done the training myself, I can help others understand their results better, and more importantly, what they can work on to really get the changes they want.
Some of the results are uncomfortable - and that’s GOOD. It’s there in black and white and they need to see this stuff - not to feel down about themselves but so they get more realistic about how their traits impact themselves and others.
Diversely, the discomfort can be in acknowledging ones strengths and that is such a joy to see someone finally believing that they have a gift, an ability, when they have always put themselves down.
And for me this is where the Big 5 profiling tool holds the key - where we report differently to our perceptions and beliefs - this is where the greatest opportunity for growth is.
Self-Aware
So each tool will have it’s own terminology and this tool is no different. There are five personality aspects with two traits within each one, the Big 5 aspects are: Openness | Conscientiousness |Extraversion | Agreeableness | Neuroticism
You get a percentile score against each of the aspects and a percentile score for each of the two traits underpinning each aspect - so there’s a LOT of detail.
Interestingly, a FREE aspect of this tool is the function to create a ‘Couples Report’ where you can connect your report with someone else who has also done the report to see how your personalities interact, support and challenge each other. This is both unique and very detailed.
Coaching
So having used this with my clients, when they initially view their reports they all seem to agree with most of it, yet have some aspect their either dislike or don’t agree with, leaving them with a bit of a “Meh” feeling - on it’s own it didn’t seem to help. Yet having worked through the detail with me, given how I know their stories, their struggles and that I understand the language and meaning within the tool, I can bring the report to life for them and it all starts to make sense - and become POWERFUL.
The report gave my clients a framework of what to appreciate about themselves and what specific aspects of themselves they wanted to work on, in conjunction with the work they do with me on reducing their sensitivity to negative emotions. It all goes together rather well and it has bridged a gap in my work that I didn’t realise was missing, which I find exciting - it’s moved the game on for us all.
Conclusion
Whatever tools you use in your search for development and increased self-awareness, you want to both understand it and see the difference it will make for you. My pragmatic aspect wants a tool to be easy to use and get a result for me - and I think you’d want that for yourself too, wouldn’t you?
So while I do feel this personality profiling tool is the best currently available, I feel my clients benefit from my interpretation of it with them, to bring it to life - to make it a pragmatic tool.
So whatever tool you choose and there are many, make sure it is both understandable and actionable. And if you need someone to interpret it for you, that’s OK - just make sure you end up with something that’s real and tangible for you, something you know you can take ACTION on, rather than just understand and intellectualise (or put down and forget!).
For me, this personality profiling tool, with the way I use it, does just that.
I’d love to hear your experiences of it.
Thank you for your time
Will
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