Can A Narcissist Change?

Narcissism is a personality trait characterised by an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration. Narcissists often have difficulty forming healthy relationships and may take advantage of others for their own gain.

The Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI) is a commonly used tool to measure narcissistic traits. The NPI measures narcissistic traits on a scale, with higher scores indicating higher levels of narcissism. The scale measures the following traits:

Leadership/Authority: The belief that one should be in a position of leadership and that they possess the qualities of a leader.

Self-sufficiency: The belief that one can rely solely on themselves and does not need help from others.

Superiority: The belief that one is better than others, and that they are entitled to special treatment.

Exhibitionism: The need to be the centre of attention and to be admired by others.

Exploitativeness: The willingness to use others for one's own gain.

Vanity: The belief that one's physical appearance is superior to others.

Entitlement: The belief that one is entitled to special privileges and that rules do not apply to them.

Self-love: The belief that one is superior and that they are better than others.

It's important to note that we all have some of these traits to a degree and there is a ‘normal’ score on the NPI scale, which only characterises narcissistic tendencies when a high score is produced.

A clinical diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is made by a mental health professional after a comprehensive assessment and the criteria of the DSM-5 (The Diagn and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder) are met.

However, for a clinical diagnosis to be performed, the narcissist will have to be willing to undergo the assessment, and as you’ll discover, they are likely not to see the need for an assessment, as they will believe they are absolutely fine and it is others who are at fault.

The question of whether narcissists can change is a complex one. On one hand, some experts argue that personality disorders are deeply ingrained patterns of behaviour and thought that are very difficult to change. On the other hand, some argue that with the right therapy and support, it is possible for narcissists to learn new ways of interacting with others and to develop levels of empathy.

Yet the biggest hurdle in trying to help a narcissist change is that they usually do not see that there is anything wrong with their behaviour. Narcissists blame others for their problems and are rarely willing to take responsibility for their actions. This means that it is rare for a narcissist to be motivated to seek change.

Another big hurdle working against the narcissist ever changing is the type of partner that they attract.

Narcissists like partners with low self-worth. This is because individuals with low self-worth often have a tendency to put the needs and wants of others before their own and they may be more willing to overlook or excuse the narcissist's behaviour.

Additionally, people with low self-worth may be more likely to accept blame and take responsibility for the relationship's problems, which can be convenient for the narcissist as they often avoid taking any blame or responsibility.

Narcissists may also be attracted to people with low self-worth because they can serve as a source of narcissistic supply. Narcissistic supply refers to the attention, admiration, and validation that a narcissist craves and needs to maintain their own sense of self-worth. People with low self-worth are more likely to give the narcissist the validation and attention they desire.

It's also important to note that Narcissists usually lack empathy and may not be able to understand or relate to the feelings and needs of others, this can make them particularly drawn to people who are easy to dominate and manipulate and those with low self-worth fall into this category.

Another complication to the narcissist ever changing is that people with low self-esteem and low self-worth are often emotionally invested in wanting to help a narcissist change. They may see the narcissist as a saviour or may feel that they are the only one who truly understands the narcissist. While this might sound like a positive thing, it only serves to hook the partner into further confusion and pain as the narcissist blames them for all that is wrong in their relationship.

This emotional investment can also make it difficult for the partner with low self-esteem to let go of the relationship, even if the narcissist does not change their behaviour. But it may be necessary to let go of the relationship in order to protect themselves.