FREEDOM From Narcissistic Abuse
By Will Perry
Frozen By Fear
And How To Survive A Toxic Relationship
Frozen By Fear
A past client approached me for support because she needed to separate from her Husband.
She knew that as much as she tried and as much as she longed for a happy family life, it just wasn't going to happen within this marriage.
And having previously bought my on-line Programme, she was aware of emotional abuse, she understood how the dynamics operate within a relationship and she had clearly identified his Narcissistic traits.
Yet she now needed my help because every time she'd go to tell him that it was over, every time she talked herself into taking ACTION - she would feel FROZEN by fear, guilt, she would be unable to speak and would end up just carrying on...
In quiet desperation.
You're Wasting Time.
She had left a year before.
The only way she could do it was leave a note and take the child, that way avoiding the conversation completely.
Not the best way perhaps - but hay-ho, she broke free.
In her country, childcare after separation is very progressive and assumes a 50/50 split between the parents. And that aspect had worked well for them all.
She got her own apartment and you'd think that would be that - a clean break.
However, she found herself torn with guilt, worry and self-blame. Could she have done more? Was she a bad person? Was he changing? How come he's being so NICE now?
And of course that's the trick Narcissists will pull when they feel they are losing control over their partner. He became concerned, responsive, went to counselling, showed vulnerability...
And she couldn't help but respond. She got pulled back into the same old patterns and found herself living back in the family house, paying for a flat she wasn't using.
Back where she started, yet even more frustrated and annoyed at herself than before.
You'll Remain Stuck And Unhappy.
Every time she consciously made an effort to speak to him that FEAR would kick-in; her legs would feel heavy and weak, her breathing would become fast and shallow, her heart would race and her thoughts turned to how bad she was for trying to do this.
It's the mechanisms in our subconscious brains that sabotage our conscious actions, keeping us STUCK and UNHAPPY.
WARNING - You'll Take Your Problems With You.
Because the REAL problem lies in our subconscious, our conscious efforts will always be thwarted.
That's a good word - thwarted, we should use that word more often!
Yet it's not a great situation to be in, to KNOW that your Life is heading in the WRONG direction and you feel POWERLESS to change it.
And it gets WORSE.
Say for example your partner picks up on your signals and says "You want to end this don't you?" That might make it a little easier for you in a way, you don't have to take that control and you may well end up separating without YOU having solved these deep subconscious thingamajigs!
That's the quick fix.
BUT you take your problems with you and you will create the same mess in a different place.
I know this from personal experience. Every time I went into a new relationship I repeated the patterns of not being able to express my emotions, not being able to say no or speak out, always putting my partner on a pedestal, not taking responsibility for myself and thinking that I was not good enough.
The reasons we attracted these partners, with controlling traits, will be the same reasons that you attract another person with controlling traits.
Unless we change those subconscious thingamajigs.
Because this pattern is controlled in our subconscious.
It doesn't matter what we consciously think "I'm not going to make that mistake again" - we just go right ahead and repeat them!
Perhaps you've experienced this too?
I know I did.
90 Day Coaching BluePrint.
These subconscious thingamajigs (beliefs!) are POWERFUL things that you can't see and don't come with washing labels or instruction booklets .
Try as you might, you won't be able to override them but you can overcome them with the right approach.
That's the only way to truly change and move forward - to tackle the beliefs that are sabotaging you, holding you back and create new ones.
Might sound easy, yet I have 13+ years of fettling with this approach that says it's not easy, yet once you figure out the process it can be relatively simple.
So if you're in this situation, you might be tempted by the quick fix too; leave it so long, make it so obvious that THEY have to broach the subject - it's what most people in this situation do.
But you will inevitably take your problems with you.
They will be lying in wait, deep in your subconscious, ready to pounce and control you.
Or you might get distracted by 'falling in love' with someone else...
I know how that goes too.
Yet you still recreate the same problems in a different place.
See how that goes if you have the time to spare. It can take years to figure out you are creating the same patterns again.
And that's what the 90 Day Coaching Blueprint does - address the real problem of your core negative beliefs.
Those damn subconscious thingamajigs.
And that's what this client wanted. She understood so much about the patterns of control and emotional abuse, yet couldn't break the cycle of her own subconscious patterns herself.
The coaching is entirely bespoke and tailored to you and your situation. There are three key steps I cover, yet how and when they get covered are fluid. And you get a guarantee too - that's reassuring.
The sessions are either in person or on-line, depending on circumstance and investment with the intention of the whole process being to get you on a new track, for good, ASAP.
It's about overcoming the negative beliefs, building new strategies and taking ACTION - meaning you no longer create the same shit in a different place.
And that's EMPOWERING!
Fair enough - Right?
Conclusion.
So this intensity of working is different and requires a certain investment from you.
Aside from the increased financial investment (upwards of £1,000 a month), working in this way requires you to be invested in a NEW FUTURE and that requires a commitment to working beyond any quick fixes.
So this client has surpassed all of her goals. She finally did it, she had that conversation - she took control.
I'm so proud of her. It truly is an honour for me to be part of people's onward journeys in this way.
And working with her has completely transformed her work environment too, because our BELIEFS impact every aspect of our lives, not just our relationships so this has been a truly transformative experience for her.
If you feel you want to know more about how you can work with me in this way, if you're currently in a difficult situation that you want help to get out of and you can afford between £1,000 and £5,000 a month over an intense 90 Day period (with payment plans available) then please feel free to book an appointment to have a free, initial conversation with me at a time that suits you: use THIS LINK to my diary to find a slot that works for you.
Alternatively you can start with the on-line '12 Days To Decide' programme, which gives you a head start into what your real problems are and includes a chat with me too: use THIS LINK for more information.
Thank you for your time and here's to dealing with those bloody thingamajigs for GOOD!
Will
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